


Starting Today, You Are a Host!

by Evy_B



Category: Ouran High School Host Club - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Trans, Bisexual Male Character, Episode Rewrite: Starting Today You Are A Host!, I Tried, I finished this at 11 PM last night, M/M, Male Fujioka Haruhi, My friend's birthday was the other day and I wrote this as a gift, Rewrite, Trans Character, Trans Male Character, Trans Male Fujioka Haruhi, Trans Male Haruhi Fujioka, Trans Rewrite, episode rewrite
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-28
Updated: 2017-12-28
Packaged: 2019-02-23 06:30:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 5,857
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13184319
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Evy_B/pseuds/Evy_B
Summary: Me and a friend were talking about an AU where Haruhi was a trans man, and, well, I started writing it! This is a rewrite of the first episode of OHSHC; Starting Today, You Are a Host!





	1. The Host Club as explained by Tamaki Suoh

**Author's Note:**

> All right! This is my first fanfiction, so it might be a little shabby. Also, I myself am not trans, so I'm prone to mistakes when writing this. If there's anything wrong with it though(i.e. something that comes off as ignorant regarding transgender people), please let me know!
> 
> Also, this is a genderbent version of Ouran, so for the majority of this fic they will refer to Haruhi as a girl.

Only those with excellent social standing and those with filthy rich families are lucky enough to spend their time here at the elite private school, Ouran Academy. The Ouran Host Club is where the school’s handsomest boys with too much time on their hands entertain young ladies, who also have _way_ too much time on their hands.

Just think of it as Ouran Academy’s elegant playground for the super-rich and beautiful!


	2. So, what's your preference?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Honor student Haruhi Fujioka looks for a place to study... and instead finds the place of their nightmares.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jus so you know, I headcanon Mori as Cuban, and have written him as such.

Sunlight bounced off the pink clock tower that read just past three, and beamed onto the white doves that flew past the grand monument. The beautiful blue sky, speckled with puffy white clouds, was reflected perfectly off the rippling pond. On this picture perfect day, a student was studying.

Well, trying to study. Haruhi Fujioka, first year student at Ouran Academy, had looked everywhere for a place to study; but unfortunately, it appeared to them that rich people only came to school to have fun, and each room was just filled with chattering teens.

 _This place has four library rooms,_ they thought as they closed the door of the fourth and last library. _You’d think one of them would be quiet._

As they walked away, they looked out the towering windows of Ouran’s halls. A group of doves fluttered past, cooing at each other as they flew by.

 _How are things in heaven, mom?_ They asked silently. _I can't believe it's been ten years already._

Haruhi thought back to the current situation and sighed. _I’m beginning to think that rich kids only come to school to have a good time._

Haruhi Fujioka was an honor student, a middle class member who got into the school through passing the scholarship test. And unlike some others that won't be named, _they_ needed to keep up their grades.

As they meandered through the halls, they came across a room with a sign that read “3rd Music Room.” _An abandoned music room, huh?_ They thought. _I guess this is the only place I'll be able to study in peace and quiet._

They reached for the handle, and opened the door.

As if in an anime, blinding white light shone through the crack in the door, and rose petals drifted along a mysterious wind into Haruhi’s face.

This in and of itself was weird, but what was even weirder was what emerged as the light dulled, and the flower petals settled. The silhouettes of five people gathered around a man in a chair came into view, and as the colored details appeared, they said “Welcome!” In unison.

In the chair sat a tall blond boy, and around him stood a shorter, childlike blond, a tall Cuban man, a male with glasses not unlike Haruhi’s, and two identical ginger twins.

 _Oh dear god,_ Haruhi thought.

“I-is this a host club?” They asked.

“Ah, our first guest!” The tall blond sang out. “I don't recognize you. What brings you here, my tomboy?”

 _Tomboy?_ Haruhi looked at themself. _I suppose my clothes do look a little shabby and feminine._

“This is Haruhi Fujioka,” the man with the glasses stated, pushing said glasses further up the bridge of his nose. “Hikaru, Kaoru, I believe they are in the same class as you, is that correct?”

The two boys turned to face him, their actions perfectly symmetrical. “Yeah, but she's shy. She doesn't act very sociably, so we don't know anything about her.”

The man with glasses looked away from them. “Hm.”

Somewhere in the deep and vast realm of anime, there was a line of six light bulbs. One of them flickered on.

“That wasn't very polite,” the man with glasses said. He turned his attention to Haruhi. “Welcome to the Ouran Host Club, honor student.”

 _So this_ is _a host club. Great._

The tall blond man, who appeared to be in charge, stood up. “Now, now, gentlemen! Let's not get distracted from this fine young lady. Honor student, you say? You must be Haruhi Fujioka! You're the exceptional honor student we've heard so much about!”

Haruhi, who was struggling with the now locked door, stopped and peered at him around an expensive-looking blue vase. “How… did you know my name?”

Glasses man spoke. “Why, you're infamous. It's not every day that a commoner gains entrance into our academy.”

_Commoner?_

“You must have an audacious nerve to work hard enough to fight your way into this school as an honor student,” he continued.

 _An_ audacious _commoner? Who do these people think they are?_

“Well, uh, thank you, I guess.”

“You're quite welcome, darling!” The lead man gushed, getting out of his chair and putting his arm around Haruhi. “You're a hero to other poor people, Fujioka! You've shown the world that even a poor person can excel at an elite private academy!”

 _This guy’s bugging me out,_ Haruhi thought, and they inched sideways out of his arm.

He was unphased, however, and followed Haruhi past the pedestal where the vase sat. “It must be hard for you to constantly be looked down upon by others.”

“I think you're taking this ‘poor’ thing a little too far,” Haruhi said, and started inching the other way. Again, he followed, dramatically moving his arms to add emphasis to his words.

“Spurned! Neglected! But that doesn't matter now! Long live the poor!” With that final exclamation, he pulled Haruhi into his side, sparkles floating around his head. “We welcome you, poor girl, to our world of _beauty!”_ He spread his arms out dramatically, as if literally introducing Haruhi to his “world of beauty.”

“I'm outta here.” Haruhi said, reaching for the door again.

“Hey! Come back here, Haru-chan!”

The small child-like boy grabbed Haruhi’s arm and dragged them away from the door, almost careening them both into the vase. “You must be, like, a superhero or something! That’s so cool!” Little pink flowers danced above the boy’s head.

“I’m not a hero, I’m an honor student -- AND WHO’RE YOU CALLING ‘HARU-CHAN?’” Haruhi yelled.

That effectively shut him up.

“Still, to think that such a fabled, erudite student would come to a place like this…”

Haruhi turned to look at the culprit. “What?” _I came here on accident! I want to leave!_

“Well, what is your preference?” The tall blond continued.

“The wild type?” He gestured to the tall and solemn boy. “The boy Lolita type?” He pointed at the boy Haruhi had just yelled at. “The little devil type?” The twins turned around in unison. “The cool type?” The glasses guy looked up from his notebook.

“It’s -- it’s not like that!” Haruhi gasped, backing away from the boys. “I was just looking for a quiet place where I could study!”

“Or maybe…” The boy grabbed Haruhi’s face with one hand and tilted it towards his own. “You’d like to try me? How about it?”

Horrified, Haruhi ducked under his grasped and stepped backwards.

_Right. Into. The. Vase._

Time slowed down as Haruhi turned around to see the vase fall. They stretched their hand out to catch it, their fingers ghosting it’s smooth, slick side before it smashed into the ground, the pieces shattering with a sickening crash.

Haruhi stared at the shards of pottery on the floor, suddenly forgetting how to breathe, or think, or move, or speak.

“We were going to feature that Renaissance vase in an upcoming school auction!” A voice from behind Haruhi.

“Oh, now you’ve done it, commoner! We were going to start the bidding for that at eight million yen”

_Eight million yen?_

_How many thousand yen is that? How many thousands are in a million?_

Haruhi shakily turned around to the people who had spoken, the twins. “Can I pay you back?”

They shrugged at each other. “With what money? You can’t even afford a school uniform!” They said at the same time.

“What is that grubby outfit you’ve got on anyway?” One of them asked.

The cool glasses type picked up one of the pieces of the vase and examined it. “What will it be, Tamaki?”

_Tamaki?_

“There’s a famous saying you may have heard, Fujioka.” Haruhi turned to see the tall blond that had been grabbing for their attention earlier. He had situated himself back into his chair, and was smugly crossing his legs, as if to establish his kingly position of power. He pointed at Haruhi. “When in Rome, you should do as the Romans do. Since you have no money, you can pay with your body.”

 _This sudden change in attitude is scary,_ Haruhi thought.

“That means, starting today, you’re the host club’s dog.”

Haruhi turned pale.

_What? I don’t know if I can handle this, mom! I’ve been captured by a bunch of boys that are calling themselves a host club!_

The youth-like boy tapped the side of Haruhi’s shoulder. “Poke, poke?” Haruhi fell over.


	3. Starting today, you are the Host Club's dog!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It started with commoner's coffee and ended with glasses.

Outside Music Room 3, there was a new sign that read, “The Host Club is now open for business.”

Inside the room, a dozen or so tables were set up, and seated at each one were girls fawning over the Host Club.

“Um, Tamaki, what’s your favorite song?”

“What song? The one that reminds me of you, of course.”

“I baked you a cake today,” another girl pipped up. “Would you like to taste it?”

Tamaki tenderly grabbed her chin with his hand. “Only if you’ll feed it to me, my darling.”

“Oh, wow, you’re so dreamy!”

High school second year Tamaki Suou was called the Host Club King for a reason.

One girl beside him spoke up. “May I have a word with you, Tamaki?”

“Hm?”

“I’ve recently heard the Host club is keeping a little kitten without a pedigree.

“Well, I don’t know if I’d call her that. Hey, speak of the devil!” Haruhi walked in carrying a paper bag. “Thanks for doing the shopping, little piglet!” He said with a wink. “Did you get everything on our list?”

_What? Piglet?_

“Wait a minute, what _is_ this?” Tamaki asked.

“Just what it looks like. It’s coffee.” Came Haruhi’s reply.

“I’ve never seen this brand before, is this the kind that’s already ground?”

“What do you mean? It’s instant coffee.”

This attracted the attention of some nearby girls. “It’s… instant?” They asked.

“Woah, I’ve heard of this before! It’s commoner’s coffee!” Tamaki exclaimed. “You just add hot water!”

Girls were starting to gather in a circle around the coffee. “So it’s true then; poor people don’t even have enough free time to grind their own coffee beans!” The other girls nodded their heads in confirmation.

“Commoners are pretty smart,” the glasses man remarked.

“One hundred grams for 300 yen?” Tamaki mused.

“That’s a lot less than we normally pay,” one of the twins observed.

“I’ll go back and get something else! _Excuse me_ for not buying you guys expensive coffee.” Haruhi muttered.

“No, I’ll keep it!” Tamaki yelled, standing up. The surrounding rich people gasped. “I’m going to give it a try,” he said. He held the can of coffee in one hand and thrust it towards the sky. “I WILL DRINK THIS COFFEE!” Everyone gave him “Oh!”s and “Ah!”s, and he got a round of applause.

Tamaki ran over to the nearest food table, and all the girls followed suit. “All right, Haruhi, get over here and make some of this commoner’s coffee!”

_I hate all these damn rich people._

“Oh, Tamaki, now you’re taking the joke too far. Your palate won’t be able to stomach that crap; you don't have to drink it just because he bought it!”

Haruhi turned to look at the one girl who had stayed behind. “Huh?”

“Oh I’m sorry,” she said, turning around to face Haruhi with a smile. “I was talking to myself.”

“Um…”

“Haruhi!” Tamaki sang from across the room.

“I’m coming!”

Everyone watched as Haruhi put a spoonful of instant coffee in four cups, poured hot water into them, and put them on a tray. “Here.”

“Let the tasting begin!” Tamaki exclaimed.

“I'm a little scared to drink this stuff,” one of the girls said.

“I'm afraid if I drink this, my father will yell at me!” Whimpered another.

Not wasting any time, Tamaki swooped in. “What if I let you drink it, _from my mouth?”_ He asked, leaning her back and holding his face close to hers.

“Well, then I would drink it!” She stammered, and all of the girls started squealing.

_This is ridiculous._

From somewhere else in the room, one of the twins laughed. “So then he had this nightmare that made him bolt up right out of bed!”

“Hikaru, don't tell them that story!” Shouted the other. He leaned in on himself in an exaggeratedly embarrassed way. “I asked you not to tell anyone! Why are you so mean to me?” A sad, single tear fell down his face.

“I'm sorry, Kaoru.” The girls at their table gasped as Hikaru brought his twin’s face close to his. “I didn't mean to upset you. But you were so adorable when it happened, I had to tell them.” His voice was no more than a whisper. “I'm sorry.”

“I forgive you.”

Right beside them, two girls started squealing. “I've never seen brotherly love quite like that!” Indeed, first year students Hikaru and Kaoru Hitachiin were quite popular with the Host Club guests.

Nearby, Haruhi walked by the twins’ table carrying a tea tray. “What're they excited about?” They asked themself. “I don't get it.”

“Sorry we're running late.” A tired voice yawned. Haruhi turned around to see the tall Cuban boy carrying the child-like boy on his back.

“Hello, Honey! Hey, Mori!” The girls cooed excitedly. “We've been waiting for you guys. Hi!”

“I'm sorry,” the smaller boy said as he was put on the ground by his friend. “I was waiting for Takashi to finish his kendo meeting, and I fell asleep.” He rubbed his eyes sleepily. “And I'm still not completely awake.”

The girls gasped at the sight of such a cute little boy being so tired. “So cute!” They screamed, barely containing their excitement.

Haruhi watched them, completely confused. “Is that boy really a third year student?”

Glasses man walked up behind them. “Honey-senpai may seem young and childish, but he's a prodigy.”

“Huh?”

“And then Mori-senpai’s allure is his strong and silent disposition.”

“Er…”

Haruhi would have said more, but at that moment Honey came running at the two of them. “Haru-chan!” He yelled as he grabbed onto Haruhi’s arm, spinning them both around in circles. “Hey, Haru-chan? Do you wanna go have some cake with me?”

“Thanks, but I… don't really like... cake.” Came Haruhi’s response, still dizzy from the wild spin Honey had just taken them through.

“Then how would you like to hold my bunny, Usa-chan?”

“I'm… not into… bunnies.”

This greatly upset Honey. “Are you saying you don't like Usa-chan?” He whimpered.

Haruhi’s eyes widened when Honey held up the stuffed bunny to their face. _It might be my imagination, but did the bunny just… blush at me?_ “I guess he is kind of cute, huh?” Haruhi said softly.

Honey lowered his stuffed rabbit, his eyes widening as he stared at Haruhi. In the distant anime realm, another light bulb flickered on.

He shoved Usa-chan into Haruhi’s arms, shouting “Take good care of him, ‘kay?” before jumping into the lap of a girl, laughing giddily.

Glasses man took this time to continue his explanation of the Host Club. “You'll notice that our club utilizes each man’s unique characteristics to cater to the desires of our guests. Just so you know,” he added, “Tamaki is number one around here. He's the king. His request rate is seventy percent.”

Haruhi turned to look at Tamaki, who was flirting with a bunch of girls. _What's this world coming to?_

“And in order to pay off your eight million yen debt with us… you will act as the Ouran Host Club’s dog until you graduate.” He paused. “I'm sorry, I meant our errand boy,” he said with a forced smile. “You can try to run away if you want to, Haruhi, but just so you know, my family employs a private police force of one hundred officers.” The mental image of that sent shivers down Haruhi’s spine. “By the way,” Kyoya added, pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose. “Do you have a passport?”

 _Meaning I won't be able to stay in Japan._ “Um..”

Tamaki pulled up next to them. “You're going to have to work hard to pay off that debt, my little nerd,” he purred, bending over behind Haruhi and blowing in their ear.

Haruhi gasped and quickly moved away from him, suddenly going into hyperventilating mode. Grabbing their neck, they turned around to look at Tamaki and shuddered, “Please don't do that again.”

Tamaki shrugged and stood back up. “You need a makeover,” he observed, “or no boy’s going to look twice at you.”

“Yeah, well, I'm not trying to get boys to look at me.”

“Are you kidding me? That's the most important thing!” He sang out, pulling a rose out of god knows where, and dramatically flailing it around. “You have to learn to be a lady and please others, like a female host,” he said with a velvet voice, looking at Haruhi in a creepily seductive way.

“I just don't think it's all that important.”

Tamaki snapped out of his trance, looking slightly taken aback by Haruhi’s words.

“Why should I care about appearances and labels anyway?” They continued. “I mean, all that really matters is what's on the inside, right? I don't understand why you even _have_  a host club like this”

“It's a cruel reality, isn't it?” Tamaki signed, returning into his “world of beauty” trance. “It's not often that god creates a perfect person like _moi,_ beautiful both inside and out,” he said, brushing his hair back.

“Say what?”

But there was no bringing Tamaki back from his own little world now. “I understand how you feel, since not everyone is as blessed as I am. But you must console yourself! Otherwise, how would you go on living?”

Haruhi looked on with irritation as he flailed his arms around “majestically.”

“And think about this, Haruhi! Why do you think they put works of art in museums? Because beauty should be shared with the world! And those born beautiful should promote…”

But Haruhi wasn't listening. _There’s a word to describe people like him,_ they thought.

“... in the first place! I did it it for those who are starved for beauty…”

_What is it?_

“... for those working day and night, pursuing beauty! And although…”

_Aw, man. I wish I could remember that word._

“... I have chosen to share my expertise with you!”

Meanwhile, the racket caught the attention of the twins, who were looking at the scene from afar.

“... here’s a tip. When setting down your glass, extend your pinky finger as a cushion. And that way when you set it down, you won't be making a lot of noise! Gentlemen do not…”

 _Maybe… “a pain in the neck”? No, there's_ something _that fits him perfectly._

“... but above all else, Haruhi, you must remember…” He positioned himself next to them, and leaned forward to be at eye level with them. “How effective a glance to the side can be.”

“Ha! I got it!”

“Oh, did I strike a chord--?”

_“Obnoxious!”_

Poor Tamaki didn't stand a chance. In an instant, he was in his sulking corner, darkness enveloping him, the empty wind howling.

“Uh, I'm sorry, Tamaki-senpai.”

Then came the sound of two boys laughing in unison, and the twins placed their elbows on Haruhi’s head, leaning in on them from both sides.

“You're a hero, all right!” Hikaru jested.

“Uh-huh!” Said Kaoru.

 _But he_ is _a pain in the neck._ “I'm sorry, senpai, but your lesson did strike a small chord with me!” Haruhi tried.

Tamaki sat up, evidently over the ordeal. He extended a finger and thumb and rested his chin on his hand, giving him a rather… unique appearance. “Really? It did? Let me teach you more, my tomboy!” He extended his hand out towards Haruhi, and anime sparkles fluttered from his fingertips.

 _Well, he got over_ that _quick._

“Boss?” Asked Kaoru.

“Call me ‘King’!”

“You can teach her all the basics of hosting…”

“... but she's not exactly going to be able to put them to good use with the ladies,” Hikaru finished.

“She doesn't even look the part, you know?”

“But maybe if we took off her glasses glasses, it'll help…” Hikaru reached for Haruhi’s glasses, and took them off their face.

“Hey, I need those!” Everyone was looking at Haruhi weird now. “I used to have contacts, but I lost them on the first day of school!”

From behind the twins, who had both gathered in front of Haruhi, there was a loud rumble. Tamaki pushed the two boys aside, and gasped when he saw Haruhi’s “bare” face.

_Um? What?_

Tamaki snapped his fingers in a kingly manner. “Hikaru! Kaoru!”

“Got it!” They saluted Tamaki and grabbed Haruhi’s arms, then whisked them away into the next room in a flurry of dust.

In their absence, Tamaki was still giving orders. “Kyoya! My hair stylist!” Without any hesitation, Kyoya started punching numbers into his cell. “Mori-senpai, go to the eye doctor and get her some contact lenses!” Mori nodded and started running for the door.

“What about me, Tama-chan?” Honey asked, barely containing his excitement.

“Honey-senpai.”

Honey stumbled over his words. “Yes, sir!”

“You… go have some cake.”

And so, at a table not long after, sat Honey and his stuffed rabbit. “It’s just us, Usa-chan,” he sobbed as he ate his chocolate cake. “Everyone else said _they were busy.”_

Meanwhile, the twins had dragged Haruhi into the changing room. “Here!” They shouted in unison. “Change into this uniform!”

“What? But why?”

“Don’t ask questions!” They yelled as they jumped onto Haruhi like birds of prey. “Change! Change! Change!”

“Okay, fine! I’ll change! But you two have to get out!” With one fellow heave, Haruhi pushed the twins out of the changing stall.

Hopping around on their feet, the two of them slowly regained balance and looked at each other. In the distant lands of the anime realm, two more light bulbs switched on.


	4. Haruhi dresses up in a dressy dress!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gaze upon the glorious spectacle of Haruhi in a dress!

The clock tower outside Ouran Academy now read 5:25, and the last lights of a fiery sunset touched the tower and the long, wispy clouds that streamed across the sky. Honey, having finished his cake, sat content in his chair.

“Um, senpai?” Came Haruhi’s voice from behind the changing curtain.

“Aren’t you done changing yet?” Tamaki asked.

Haruhi pulled the curtains aside, revealing that they were in the girl’s uniform: A yellow dress. “You sure it’s really okay for me to keep this uniform?

Tamaki had tears streaming down his cheeks and was muttering things like “Cute!” and “Adorable!”, so Haruhi figured the answer was yes.

“Haru-chan, you look so cute!” Honey yelled.

“If we had known that’s how you look…” Hikaru started.

“... we would’ve helped you out sooner.” Kaoru finished.

“Who knows? Maybe she’ll draw in some customers.” Kyoya added.

“You know, that’s just what I was thinking!” Tamaki lied.

 _Yeah, right._ Haruhi thought. _You just wanted to see me in a dress._ “What was the point of dressing me up like this, anyways?” They asked.

“Well, in order to serve the handsomest boys in the school,” Tamaki said, “you must be the prettiest _girl_ in the school! Isn’t that right, darling?” He said with a wink.

_That sounded better in your head, I’m sure._


	5. Enter Princess Ayanakoji, stage left

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tamaki can barely contain his excitement over seeing Haruhi in a dress. Never mind that he's literally in a room full of girls wearing the exact same dress, but whatever.

From then on, the girls made a point to talk to Haruhi whenever they served them.

“So, tell me, Haruhi. Do you have any hobbies? What do you like to do?”

“I’m curious, what kind of products do you use on your skin?”

“Yes, it’s so pretty!”

 _I can’t do this anymore. They don’t have to be so nice to me._ Not wanting to get into any trouble with the hosts, though, Haruhi politely responded to each girl.

Tamaki, though swamped with all the requests he got, payed attention to each word that Haruhi said. It was actually kind of creepy.

“Have you forgotten about me, Tamaki?” Asked one of the girls.

“Oh, no! Sorry, Princess.” He moved his head back to look at her in a very calculated way, whipping it around so that his hair moved with just the right amount of flair. “I’m just a little concerned about our newest staff member.”

“Well, that’s obvious, Tamaki. You sure have been keeping an eye on her.” This girl had silky red hair and purple eyes, and wore the Ouran uniform just like every other girl.

“Of course, I have to. She is new, after all.” He snapped his fingers. “Haruhi! Come here for a minute.”

Grateful to be drawn away from their responsibilities, Haruhi walked over. “What’s up?”

“I’d like you to meet someone.” Tamaki gestured to the girl sitting beside him. “This is my regular guest, Princess Ayanokoji.”

 _Hey, it’s that girl from earlier._ “Miss, it’s a pleasure to meet you.” Haruhi smiled at her. _Just nod and smile._

Tamaki seemed to think very highly of what they’d just done, though, because he picked Haruhi up and spun them around, yelling, “That was so cute! That air of bashfulness was very good! Super good! Amazingly good!” He was spinning around so fast, it was all Haruhi could do not to scream.

“Um, Tamaki?” Ayanakoji protested.

But Tamaki was not deterred. “You’re so cute! I’m never gonna let you go!”

“Mori-senpai!” Haruhi yelled. “Help me!”

In a flash, Mori was there, and he picked Haruhi up out of Tamaki’s grasp. As he held them up in front of him, his eyes widened in realization, and a fifth light bulb lit up.

“Mori-senpai, you really didn’t have to go that far,” Tamaki stammered. He turned his attention back to Haruhi, who was still being held up by Mori. “Come on, little one, let Daddy give you a big hug!”

“I’ve already got a dad. I don’t need another one!”

No one noticed Princess Ayanakoji disappear.


	6. I wonder who dropped my bag in the pond? Certainly it wasn't the one person who's bad side I've gotten on!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *romantic music plays in the background*

“Hey, what happened to my bag?”

Haruhi looked out the window of the third music room. “Are you kidding me? But how did that happen?”

There, scattered in the pond, were the contents of Haruhi’s bag.

“I didn’t think there were bullies at this school.” They sighed. “Guess they’re everywhere.”

The sound of their fast-paced footsteps echoed down the hall as Haruhi raced to the pond. They slowed when they saw Princess Ayanakoji standing eerily still in the middle of the hall. They came to a stop just past her.

“Oh, it’s you again,” she leered. “I bet you love having Tamaki making you over and fawning over you. It’s useless, though. You're always going to be a second-class citizen.” With that, she took off, the sound of her even footsteps resounding off the walls behind Haruhi.

 _I have a feeling that girl’s the one who threw my bag in the pond,_ Haruhi thought as they exited the building. They saw the pond, and sighed. Figuring they’d better not waste any time, they rolled up their dress skirt and took their shoes off, and started gathering their stuff. _I can’t be bothered with her right now, though,_ they thought after they’d set their things aside out of the water. _I’ve gotta find my wallet, or I won’t have any money for food this week._

“Hey, commoner! You’ve got some nerve skipping out on the club like that.”

Haruhi turned around to see who’d spoken. It was Tamaki.

“Why is your bag all wet?”

“Ah.. It’s no big deal. I got it,” they said. Then, quietly, they murmured, “I just can’t find my food money.”

This seemed to strike something with Tamaki.

Haruhi looked up when they heard another person splashing in the water. Tamaki had rolled up his pant legs, and was fishing around in the water next to them.

“Hey, you don’t have to do that. You’ll get wet.” Haruhi stood up to look at him.

“A little water never hurt anyone.” The pond rippled as Tamaki’s hand glided through it. “Besides,” he added. “People are always telling me that I’m dripping with good looks.”

Haruhi couldn’t help but stare.

“Oh! Hang on a second!” Tamaki grabbed a black wallet out of the water and held it out to Haruhi. He gave them a friendly wink. “This what you're looking for?”

Seeing that they weren't responding, Tamaki closed the distance between him and Haruhi. “What’s the matter? You’re staring off into space.” He held up the wallet. “You’re not falling for me, are you?” He teased, waving the wallet in front of Haruhi’s face.

Haruhi gasped. “No way!” They shouted as they snatched it from Tamaki’s hands.

He donned a more serious expression. “How did your bag end up in the pond, anyway?”

“Well, uh, I guess I accidentally dropped it out the window at some point.”


	7. Exit Princess Ayanakoji, stage right

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Surprise surprise, Ayanakoji is a little bitch.

“Oh really? That must’ve been terrible! I can’t imagine what I’d do if my bag fell in the pond.”

 _Why did she ask to see me?_ Haruhi stared at Ayanakoji.

“And you actually made Tamaki search that dirty old pond with you? How astonishing. You do realize he’s a blueblood and not a commoner, right? The _only_ reason he’s paying attention to you is because of your debt.” She looked up from her coffee at Haruhi. “Don’t start thinking he cares about you just because he’s doting on you.”

Haruhi’s face darkened over. “Now I understand.” They stared at Ayanakoji. “You’re jealous of me.”

Ayanakoji’s face took on a look of panic.

Suddenly she screamed, and pulled Haruhi in towards her. The table was knocked over, and they were both lying on the ground, Haruhi next to Ayanakoji.

“Somebody help, she just attacked me! She’s trying to start a fight!” Ayanakoji made a show of forcefully pushing Haruhi off her.

Haruhi gasped. _What’s she trying to do?_

“Someone do something! Get this commoner away from me and teach her a lesson!”

Haruhi heard the sound of footsteps behind them, and water came pouring down onto both figures laying on the ground. Haruhi got up, and saw that the Hitachiin twins were standing over them with now-empty cups.

“Why did you do that?” Ayanakoji asked indignantly.

Tamaki emerged beside her. He gently pulled her up onto her feet and brushed her wet hair out of her eyes.

“Do something, Tamaki!” She whimpered, looking pleadingly into his eyes. “Haruhi just attacked me!”

“I’m disappointed in you.”

Ayanakoji was shocked. “What?”

“You threw her bag into the pond, didn’t you?”

Ayanokoji looked taken aback. “You don’t know that! Do you have any _proof_ that I did?”

Tamaki held her face in his hands, but there was no warmth to his touch. “You know, you’re a beautiful girl. But you aren’t classy enough to be our guest, dear. If there’s one thing I know,” he announced, “Haruhi is not that kind of a woman.”

“But… why, Tamaki?” Ayanakoji folded her arms in on herself, feeling hurt, and ran away. “You idiot!” She sobbed.

Kyoya held up a red bag. “This is the only spare uniform we have. Sorry, but it’s better than a wet one, right?”

“Thanks, you guys,” Haruhi said. “I’m gonna go change.”


	8. Now I could be wrong, but I think we may be witnessing the beginnings of love, here

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The chapter you've all been waiting for! You were probably wondering where the hell trans Haruhi comes into play in this story, well wait no more!

Tamaki pulled aside the curtain of the changing room. “Haruhi, here you go. I brought you some towels--”

He didn’t mean to look. But when he saw the binder, and let the curtain drop back down in surprise, the last light bulb went on. Then another, and another; light bulbs lighting up in rapid succession, spelling out one word: _Boy._

“Haruhi.”

“Yeah?”

“So, you’re a boy?”

“Well, yeah, I guess.”

Haruhi drew back the curtain to reveal himself in the male Ouran uniform.

Tamaki freaked.

“Listen, senpai, I don’t really care that much whether you guys saw me as a boy or a girl,” he said as he adjusted the sleeves of his shirt. “In my opinion, it’s more important for a person to be recognized for who are, rather than for what sex they are. But yes, I would like to be seen as a boy.” They added.

While Tamaki was having his spasm, to everyone else it was old news. Kyoya had known all along, and everyone else had figured it out along the way.

“Well isn’t this an interesting development?” Kyoya said.

“Oh yeah!” The twins concurred.

“Uh, you know, I have to say, senpai,” Haruhi interjected. “I thought you were pretty cool earlier!”

Tamaki suddenly stopped his racket and stammered mindlessly, a bright red blush spreading across his face and neck as he slowly backed away.

“Now I could be wrong,” Kyoya said as he turned to faced the audience, “but I think we may be witnessing the beginnings of love here.” He pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose. “Now that our king knows of your preferred gender Haruhi,” he said, “you can decide if you want to work as a host instead of being our errand boy.”

Haruhi turned to look at Kyoya. “What?”

“Of course, it’s completely your decision if you want to come out to everyone.” he began. “But if you’d like to pay off your debt quicker, we can arrange to make it so that your debt will be completely forgotten after one hundred requests.”

 _It would be nice to be out to everyone,_ he thought. _And at this point I don’t give a damn what they think anyway. And it would beat spending three whole years paying off my debt._

“Okay,” he agreed. “Being a host and getting fussed over by a bunch of girls might not be that bad,” he mused. This seemed to pull Tamaki out of his blushing trance and put him on jealousy’s edge. “I wonder how I can pull the public transition off?” He slammed his fist into his palm. “I’ve got it! I’ll just call everyone ‘dude’ and ‘bro’ now!” He laughed.

Tamaki snapped out of the jealousy stupor. “Well hang on now!” He said with a sudden change of attitude. “Let’s not forget the ruckus you caused earlier with Ayanakoji! We still need to punish you for that! Which means…” He pointed a finger at Haruhi. “Your quota is now one thousand!”

_One thousand?_

“Now boss, is that really necessary?” Kaoru asked.

“Seems to me like you’re just trying to keep him around longer,” Hikaru observed.

While this may have been completely true, Tamaki was not about to admit it. “What? No I’m not! I’m just carrying out punishment for my son’s misbehavior, like any good father would do!”

 _Oh great, now I’m his “son” too._ He sighed. _At least I should be able to pay off that debt within a year. I’d only need to get about three or four requests a day at that rate, right?_

“You’re welcome to take that uniform home, Haruhi. Although if you need a different size, we’d be happy to get you one,” Kyoya offered.

Haruhi looked down at his outfit. “No, it suits me fine, thanks. I’ll keep it!”


End file.
